Loving yourself.

"Love yourself girl or nobody will"

-J. Cole

Self-love.

There's really nothing like it. To be able to love yourself unconditionally; whilst accepting the flaws that blatantly show themselves to not only you but also to others. There's nothing like waking up in the morning and knowing that if there's anyone in this world that loves you, it's you.

I wish I could believe that everyone loves themselves to that extent, I would only be lying to myself if I said that was what I thought. There are countless people that live life everyday praying they could live the life of someone else,  or look the way someone else does. 

Self-love is not a trait that everyone will possess automatically. Some were raised with that mentality to love yourself regardless of what others think,  some gained that trait through life experiences while others are still learning how to get to that point of self love.

Which ever applies to you, here are 4 ways on how I gained self-love over the years:

1) Acknowledging my flaws and accepting them - I am my biggest critic. I would examine my hair, my outfit and my makeup; making sure I look exactly the way I want to look. Usually, if not always, I would find a flaw...then I would accept it. My hair may not be to my satisfaction but I would confidently wear it regardless. I don't have perfect skin; thanks to acne and childhood scars, but I learnt to love every mark and wear it proudly. Accepting your flaws gives you that confidence-booster you need to walk with your head up and not care about what others think.

2) Positive thoughts - Negative thoughts about yourself will only lower your self-esteem. It's very important to highlight the good about yourself. Having a positive attitude increases the way you see and think about yourself. Negativity only brings sadness and self hate.

3) Positive surroundings- This point is very important to anyone that is struggling with genuinely loving themselves. Having a great support system is always a must in any struggle. Don't associate yourself with people who will constantly point out your flaws and make fun of them. Surround yourself with people who will bring out the best in you; be with people who will treat you the way you ought to be treated.

4) Constant reminders- Post-its. Go 'Mary-Jane" and post positive quotes on items you have no choice but to notice. Post uplifting reminders on mirrors, everyday bags or backpacks, next to toothbrushes or hair products. Do what you have to do to remind yourself that you are awesome, beautiful and worth it.

-xox
Michel'Lee Williams

It's your beauty. Not theirs.

"Your beauty does not need any validation"

We live in a world where beauty needs confirmation from others; which is the biggest misconception of being beautiful. I've seen a lot of definitions of beauty but the most realistic definition is that from the Urban Dictionary:

"Beauty; a thing seldom seen. It is held by all within the soul it lies,  waiting to come out to the surface...beauty is suppressed by the evils of the world. Only love can bring beauty out."

Beauty is suppressed by the evil of the world. These are probably the truest words I have read all day. Beauty is not hidden behind the skin: it is hidden behind the negative words of others; and the looks of disapproval in the eyes of strangers.

Also in the Urban Dictionary, beautiful is defined as "a woman (person) who has a distinctive personality,  one who can laugh at anything,  including themselves,  who is especially kind and caring to others."

True beauty is a light within that shines. A beautiful face with an ugly personality is overall an unattractive person. It's like a car with no gas; it just doesn't work. Your beauty is defined by who you are; not how you look. How big is your heart?  How often do you care? 

Often times we wait on others approval to validate our beauty; that's not needed. It's your beauty. You do not need anyone to tell you how to be beautiful or when to be beautiful.

Do not allow society and it's sick way of thinking to create you into something that you're not.Beauty is who you are;  not what society makes you out to be.  You are beautiful,  it is society that is ugly.

Tell me your views on beauty. Talk back with me. :) 

-xox
Michel'Lee R. Williams

Sex and other things

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."

-Tom Robbins

Growing up as a young teen, the topic "sex" was something my Pastor was always very verbal and straightforward about.  She was always very open and candid with that aspect of our lives because our youth group consisted of mainly females. 

She made it her duty to inform us on the repercussion of sex and exactly what we would be getting into when we decide to have sex. She was always that voice of reason. Especially when it came to our relationships. She was never forceful, it was always her opinion, we were the eventual decision makers.

One thing I kept with me from those multiple youth sessions and the numerous sex talks was that, "sex should not be taken lightly". Sex was much more than a physical encounter.

I've heard people say many times that sex is an emotional and spiritual encounter. When two people have sex, you never leave the same. Both partners always leave with a portion of each other; you always leave with a part of yourself missing and apart of your partner gained.

As a young woman,  I don't think of sex as just something you do in your spare time, or something you must do when in a relationship. I personally take the act of having sex very seriously. Whenever I do decide to share my body with another person it will definitely not be based on the popularity of young women my age who are having sex, or the need to do so just to express the level of my love.

Keep in mind that sex is not just between two sexual organs, it's between two souls, two bodies and two hearts.

You're sharing not only your body but also your soul. 

What are your views on sex? Comment below. Chat back with me.

-xox

Michel'Lee R. Williams

2014 Lessons & 2015 Expectations

"Sorry for the late post, this was to be a New Year Eves/Old Year Night post, I away during that period with limited Internet access."

2014 was definitely the year of lessons. I learnt so much about myself in 2014, I went in-depth with what I wanted in life and learnt how to cope with unexpected situations.

I'm a really structured person, but 2014 taught me how to go with the flow and stop being such a constant planner. Many things went south for me in 2014; some were expected, most were unexpected.

Lessons from 2014

• Be structured but don't be an obsessive planner. I had a vision for my life in 2014. I was obsessed with making sure everything goes as planned. 2014 forced me to just let go and be one with the wind; to just go with the flow and live life as it comes.

• Anxiety; control it. My anxiety was so strong in 2014. I'm a calm person on the outside but on the inside there's a worldwide of emotions. In 2014 I found ways to control my nerves. I learnt to not only keep calm on the outside but also on the inside.

• Let Go & Let God. My faith was tested so much this year! My faith plays a huge part of my life and I'm such a planner, I didn't allow God to take the forefront. 2014 taught me to just gave in and let it go. I decided to let God have control. 

• Be expressive.I love keeping things in, it's a defence mechanism for protecting my feelings, but in 2014 I realised its better if you just say how you feel. Especially if it's something or to someone that's of great importance to you.

• Never give up. This was the greatest lesson taught to me in 2014. Upon completing Community College everything seemed to have taken a downward slope in every aspect of my life. There were so many opportunities for me to give up, I didn't.  I knew that to enjoy the highs in life, you must endure the lows.

2015 please be good to me.

2015 Resolutions

• Be happy. I want happiness in every area of life,  not just in some aspects. I want constant joy and fulfilment; even during tough times.

• Do not settle. I refuse to just settle for what life thinks is good enough for me. I want to get more out of life.

• Let God have his way. Simple as that; I want to give God full control in everything concerning me.

That's all guys. What I learnt in 2014 and my expectations for 2015.
If you can  relate, or have learnt anything in 2014 or have any 2015 expectations, comment below.

- xox
Michel'Lee R. Williams

A beautiful black woman

I am a beautiful black woman
Years ago, those words were not very popular to say.
At least not in that order,
Maybe some still find it hard to say
Like they have an incurable "I don't see myself beautiful" disorder.

Because of the stigma that society has labeled us black women with.
According to fools, the fields and backstage is where we belong,
Singing songs of freedom...like the "Wade in the water" song.
How about in college, with degrees.
On runways, making front covers.

To society the black nation will always be seen as social hazards.
It's time for a game changer,
Remove the rear view mirrors and stop looking backwards.

A black, educated and beautiful woman I will always be.
I will wear my puff up high just like my standards.
And my curls whether long or short, will fall in place,  exactly where they should.

My courage, like my skin,  is ever strong.
In the mirror all I see is a beautiful black woman.
Talented, educated and again I say, ever strong!

-xox
By Michel'Lee R. Williams